Categorized Fear

Here's a fun website: The Phobia List!

Mental scientists feel the need to name every little particular fear or anxiety. You feel anxious about one tiny thing, tell this egghead who you pay $100 a minute to listen to you whine, and BAM! you have a disease which now allows you to be prescribed drugs. Glorious, glorious drugs! Now, there are people out there who have legitimate paralyzing fears. But what science has done, by categorizing all these fears, lets people who aren't very sick to exploit the system. "I'm afraid of cheese because my mom didn't love me enough!" Here, have some Prozac.

So, I've gone through the list and actually picked one from each letter. FEAR A-Z!! At some point in my life, I've had these:

Automatonophobia - fear of anything that falsely represents a sentient being.
How appropriate for this list!! I mostly fear the POTENTIAL that a robot could have. Such overwhelming power at their fingertips is quite terrifying. And if I've learned anything from the countless science fiction movies/novels I've taken in, one small glitch and it's all over for humanity.

Bogeyphobia - fear of bogeys or bogeymen.
Seriously, what kid wasn't afraid of the bogeyman. If you say you weren't then you are fucking lying. It's pretty much a natural thing for a kid; it's part of growing up. Also, I don't know if bogeys here means boogers or snot. Either or though, I don't want any of that shit on me.

Cypridophobia - fear of prostitutes.
Really, it's not what's on the outside that counts, it's what's on the inside. A lady of the evening could be the prettiest girl you ever did lay your eyes on, but her insides could look like the frog you dissected in Biology class. I get chills just thinking about it.

Dementophobia - fear of insanity.
I'm not necessarily afraid of insane people. I think they can sometimes be funny, especially when they are raving or when they have shit their pants. I was always more afraid of losing my own sanity. But, seeing as I have already become a deranged lunatic, I think I can cross this one off the list.

Enochlophobia - fear of crowds.
A great deal of this fear revolves around the utter stupidity people can exhibit when part of a crowd. Once that mob mentality takes over, I want to be as far away from them as possible. Plus, people in general piss me off, so A LOT of people all congregating in one place makes me want to seal myself in a portable toilet.

Francophobia - fear of France or French culture.
A lot of people don't know this, but most French women don't have vaginas. They actually have another mouth between their legs. A mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. Truly frightening.

Gelotophobia - fear of being laughed at.
I didn't think this was so bad until I saw the movie Carrie. For those of you who haven't, Carrie's mother famously warns her daughter that all the students at the prom are going to laugh at her (presumably because of her 'dirty pillows'). She makes a very convincing argument.

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - fear of long words.
The most ironic of all the fears. It took me two days to write this word. Each letter got progressively scarier.

Iatrophobia - fear of going to the doctors or doctors in general.
I am not so much afraid of going to the doctors as I am afraid of having my balls touched in a clinical manner. It's just so cold and unfriendly.

Japanophobia - fear of Japanese.
Mainly Godzilla. And Rodan.

Kynophobia - fear of stooping.
I usually go right from standing to kneeling. No in between for me please.

Leprophobia - fear of leprosy.
Specifically people with leprosy. I'm not so much afraid of the actual disease though. Lepers are the closest thing to zombies the world has seen.

Menophobia - fear of menstruation.
It attracts bears.

Neophobia - fear of anything new.
I only listen to a grammaphone and watch movies made pre-1910. I also have only ever owned one pair of shoes.

Ophidiophobia - fear of snakes.
According to my religion, snakes are Satan's pets. My religion also states that hats of any kind are meant only for prostitutes and that you can only sit in a chair if you are wearing three or more pairs of socks.

Phobophobia - fear of phobias.
Seriously?? This can't be a real thing. It's like some insane paradox that causes your brain to eat itself.

Quintoculophobia - fear of things with five or more eyes.
I had to make this one up because there are no 'Q' phobias. I'm talking mainly about mythical beasts like Argus, the 100-eyed watchman of Io in Greek mythology. If I encountered anything with five eyes, my instincts would be to run or to murder its face.

Radiophobia - fear of radiation/x-rays.
This shit will give you cancer. FACT. Also, radiation turned tons of harmless laboratory pets into giant city-eating monsters. The last thing I or anyone else needs right now is a fifty foot guinea pig that breathes fire.

Scabiophobia - fear of scabies.
I don't know what scabies are. But I am absolutely terrified of the unknown. I am afraid of what this phobia represents.

Tachophobia - fear of speed.
I have never once felt the need for speed. I don't want to be involved with the drug speed. I have a natural aversion to Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

Urophobia - fear of urine or urinating.
I don't want to be peed on ever by either myself or another person. The act of peeing into a cup gives me tingles in my spine. The bad kind of tingles.

Venustraphobia - fear of beautiful women.
The most beautiful of women will rip your heart out through your ass and then cook it and force you to eat it. Then she will take your genitals and shove a barbed metal rod down your pee hole. Then as you lay there dying, she will take a shit on you and wipe her ass with your face. You won't even find this stuff in the scariest of horror films.

Walloonphobia - fear of the Walloons.
Well, it was either this or fear of witchcraft. I haven't the slightest idea what a walloon is, let alone why it should be capitalized.

Xenophobia - fear of foreigners.
Lousy, French, cheese-eating, surrender monkeys!

Yambonophobia - fear of starting something that you have no intention of finishing.
I had to make this one up because there are no 'Y' entries. I realize now that this was a terrible idea and hate myself for actually finishing it.

Zemmiphobia - fear of the great mole rat.
Based in my fear of oxymorons.

Ugh, that was terribly boring for me, and probably for you. The point is, I am marginalizing these silly fears because you should just grow up and get a life. END.